Hurry Up Sickness, Turtle Medicine

Life finally seems to be settling a little since the holidays. The last couple of months have been a whirlwind of creativity and destruction. There's been lots of the preferred kind of growth-promoting destruction, for which I'm grateful, but I confess to a heap unwitting self-destructing, too.

With great excitement, I started both singing lessons and belly dance in November, but after about 6 weeks I reluctantly had to admit that the drive into town and extra activity is just more than my sensitive little constitution can bare. A couple of weeks before Christmas I temporarily abandoned both, until we move in to Austin proper.

I guess that leads to the unwitting self destruction. I'll start with Turtle Medicine. When was it?.. I think in October... I was driving down the 5 mile winding country road that leads to the 2 mile bumpy dirt road where we live. I had to stop in the middle of the street because a turtle was crossing. I first moved it to the grass in the direction it was headed, but then realized it had likely stopped because it was heading directly toward two rascally dogs and certain death. So, I picked it up gently, had a little chat with it, named it Fred, and took *him* home with me. I released Fred in the creek just behind our house. A few days later, I was taking a walk on the land and nearly stepped on a large, completely empty turtle shell (not Fred). From a shamanic perspective, I recognized this as quite a gift! It seemed Turtle was thanking me and offering to be an ally. I was quite touched. As I write, I'm wishing I would have thought to utilize the gift and work with Turtle more effectively shortly following.

Turtle medicine is about... well, first, Turtle is an ancient symbol for the Great Mother, Earth. It's about grounding, being connected, creativity, protection. Turtle lives in land and water, so it's about being able to walk in two worlds. Also about exploring watery emotional depths. About going within. Finally, and incredibly relevant in my case, Turtle is about right timing. When I stumbled upon the turtle shell, as I mentioned, I assumed it was a gift because of my interaction with Fred. In retrospect, there was also a distinct message that I do remember receiving but conveniently overlooking... "SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!"

At the time, I was taking a weekly 2 hour psychic training course, I was doing 2 hour weekly EFT sessions, my two, 2 hour in-town classes (with their 2 hour round trip drives), trying to catch up with friends in-town, juggling multiple clients and multiple deadlines, multiple businesses, trying to keep up with the house, the land, the bills, etc. Additionally, the holdiay's are just a busy time for me. This season started with a trip to Dallas for Thanksgiving. About two weeks later is a significant annual shamanic ceremony (in the traditions I practice), perhaps my favorite, about letting go of the past and bringing in the light. We decided on a quick road trip to Santa Fe to celebrate this with our shamanic peeps. Then, there was Solstice, also important for me. Then, Christmas, trip to Dallas area to be with family. Somewhere in the middle of all that there was also an intense two week emotional scare, personal details which I will refrain from sharing, but will say was the straw that broke the camels back on my already filled to the brim nervous system. The combination of my schedule and this crisis of sorts has left me in a state of hyperarousal... it feels as if my body is non-stop producing adrenaline, sans stimulation, & I can't seem to get it to stop. Very undesirable, not to mention unhealthy. I've been having a difficult time concentrating, experiencing moments of disorientation, memory is disturbingly shot (the other day, when filling out a check, I couldn't remember how to write the number 6!!!), I startle incredibly easily, muscle tension/soreness, fatigue, moodiness, etc.

One of my books, when discussing Turtle Medicine, refers to our cuture's "hurry up sickness." That's what it boils down to... IMPATIENCE. Trying to do way too much is a symptom of impatience & a little greed for information/learning/doing in my case (which started innocently enough as passion for the subjects). Both resulting in (self) destruction. Adrenaline overload and eventual adrenal burn-out is one potential result, one with which I am familiar. The cure... slow the fuck down. Also, there are dietary changes and supplemental support, not to mention making sure to get plenty of simple exercise and lots of deep breathing. Working with Turtle ought to help.

Because I have experienced the physical meltdown of impatience before, it's a bit easier to not be so identified with what's going on this time around. I'm able to observe things with more detachment, recognize that this isn't forever, this too shall pass. But it is damn uncomfortable, inconvenient and recovery requires a lot of my effort and attention. The underlying belief (lie) of impatience is a fear that there isn't enough time, which in this case showed up as a constant trying to squeeze in just one more thing, for fear that I'd run out of time and never get to it. Ironically, the result is that I've had to put pretty much everything on hold while I focus on recovery.

To see the silver lining, I'm sure there will be untold blessings in my recovery process. I'm hoping that I'll learn the lesson this time and I'm grateful to have turtle to remind me to be more conscious of how much I can realistically manage and to pay attention and ignore that little monster in my head that attempts to convince me that there's not enough time. (He's incessant and loud!)

For now, turtle is telling me it's time to tuck into my little shell, stay connected to my source, and rest. Hoping my friends and partner can understand and be supportive and not take my temporary withdrawal personally.